Magic butthole

Tell us about what is a "magic butthole". What properties does it hold? What makes it magic?

I'll start with a few:
- Can sharpen pencils
- Can provide 5v of charge which can be harvested by inserting a special adapter electrode. If you clench really hard you can push that up to 12v
- If you put the contents of your change jar in your rectum, you can consciously expel specific monetary amounts through your butthole
- Is bigger on the inside

HERE CUMS THE FUCK TRUCK TIPPED 1000 CORAL FOR THIS POST

ummm it's made out of chocolate but it never melts away

the magic butthole can sing songs which bring joy and confidence to all around it

the magic butthole can poop in space

By repeating a person's name three times while imagining their face in your mind's eye, the magic butthole will take on the form of that person' butthole at the time the incantation is cast.

Dr. Young's Ideal Rectal Dilators were medical devices sold in the United States from the late nineteenth century until at least the 1940s, part of the burgeoning market for patent and proprietary medicines and devices at the time. They came in sets of four "torpedolike" hard rubber (later, plastic) instruments varying in diameter from ​1⁄2 to 1 inch and in length from 3 to 4 inches, and according to a retrospective article in The American Journal of Gastroenterology, were no different from modern rectal dilators.

 An 1893 Medical News editorial noted that "Dr. Young" himself, writing in another journal of which he was the editor, praised rectal dilation as a cure for insanity, claiming that at least "three-fourths of all the howling maniacs of the world" were curable "in a few weeks' time by the application of orificial methods". The Medical News asked,

Why, then, in the name of pity and kindness, do these men not apply the dilators each to himself or to each other? We very much fear all this imbecility may rest upon a semi-pathologic basis, and that Krafft-Ebing may have a new chapter to write concerning sodomic perversion in his work upon sexual psychopathy. 

A 1905 advertisement by F. E. Young and Co. of Chicago promised that "The best results may be obtained by the use of Young's self-retaining rectal dilators", the use of which "accomplishes for the invalid just what nature does daily for the healthy individual". Doctors were advised that "If you will prescribe a set of these dilators in some of your obstinate cases of Chronic Constipation you will find them necessary in every case of this kind". The price of a set "to the profession" was $2.50 (equivalent to $70 in 2019).

Young admitted that some patients panicked at the sight of the devices.

In 1940 the United States Attorney for the Southern District of New York seized a shipment of the devices as misbranded. According to the U.S. Food and Drug Administration's subsequent Drugs and Devices Court Case Notice of Judgment (captioned "U.S. v. 67 Sets of Dr. Young's Rectal Dilators and 83 Packages of Dr. Young's Piloment") the product's labeling claimed it corrected constipation, promoted more refreshing sleep, and could relieve foul breath, bad taste in the mouth, sallow skin, acne, anemia, lassitude, mental hebetude, insomnia, anorexia, headaches, diarrhea, hemorrhoids, flatulence, indigestion, nervousness, irritability, cold extremities, and numerous other ailments. The instructions warned, "Do not neglect to use your Dilators ... It is advisable to use [them] occasionally as a precautionary measure. You need have no fear of using them too much."

The devices were held to be "dangerous to health when used with the frequency and duration prescribed, recommended or suggested in the labeling", and the shipment was ordered to be destroyed.

See Also: Butt_Plug

I got there from an article (with woodblock carvings!) of doctors using pipes to blow tobacco smoke up the butt of a drowning victim to resuscitate them.