Going to get real here. Life has been absolute shit since summer 2018.
In the past, whenever I've gone through a rough time, I've been able to eliminate or escape whatever major stressor and recover. Unfortunately the stressors I've had on my plate since 2018 are practically inescapable. I say practically inescapable because there is technically a way out, but it ends with me being a crazy unmedicated homeless person.
The other day I made a spreadsheet of major stressors in my life -- there are 11 of them -- and ways to think about them more positively. It backfired. I can write down positive thoughts but if there's a shred of pessimism in my mind -- which there always is, especially lately -- it actually makes me feel worse. So I just ended up feeling overwhelmed that I have so much shit in my life and had a nice panic attack.
Most recently, as a result of strictly increasing stress levels for 2 years, I'm now struggling with sleep anxiety along with either an ulcer or functional dyspepsia. Either one of these make it extremely difficult to fall asleep. Combined it is impossible to sleep without taking drugs.
I've had such shit luck lately but I do want to count my blessings. I have some family that cares about me. And I have wetfish. I love you all.
RACHEL TIPPED 11 CORAL FOR THIS POST