Copy Pasta thread

  • 225 Replies
Re: Copy Pasta thread
« Reply #210 on: August 31, 2020, 03:06:11 AM »
Unhand me you contemptible witch. You haggard old crone.
Do you find your continued use of my personal space to be a source of amusement, you contemptible harlot? That perhaps because I am a negro man I would relish in the chance to engage in playful ass-fondling with a succubus of a white slag such as yourself? No. Do not distinguish yourself with such flattery. No means no, and I should not even have t o utter it in 2020.
I madam, am a respected thespian. I have spent my time hailing the monologues of a plagued "Othello" to a packed house, and I have had the pleasure of playing Will Smith's friend and Hilary's first love interest, Ice Tray on one "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air". When it came time to prepare for my role as The War Machine, I went absolutely, meticulously method and had an actual War Machine suit constructed by Bill Gates and MIT. I am an honorary colonel in the Air Force and I have the authority to level this entire podunk studio with a drone strike after a single phone call.
You traipse onto MY set one fateful day, and haughtily sachet lazily into your shoe-in role as Disney's faux-empowering imbecile of the week? Why my dear, your only commanding performance in your entire career was that of performing fellatio on that hack Fieg, gladly gyrating your square, grandmotherly buttocks around his office before giving a speech on feminism. You sicken me, you tepid, two faced, shrew.
Do you have any idea what I go through in my exhausting tribulations with you, Brie? As a matter of fact, as far as examples of femininity go, I couldn't possibly imagine a worse woman for trans kids to look up to. Shame on you.
Enough of this blasted chicanery. This interview is over. You over-priced, venereal disease-carrying prostitute, don't you ever, ever even think about so much as looking in my direction again or I'll use every connection at the Academy that I posses to ensure you "overdose" on "cocaine".
Such absolute, shameless harlotry. I shan't have it.

Re: Copy Pasta thread
« Reply #211 on: August 31, 2020, 03:27:11 PM »
callout posts in 2014: this user is sending mean messages to people! please be warned!

callout posts in 2015: this user is stealing bones from cemeteries for witch rituals!

callout posts in 2016: this user Actually A Nazi

callout posts in 2017: this user watches an anime I don’t like

callout posts in 2018: i went through this user’s youtube like history and found a video from JonTron that they liked in 2012, proving that they’re a bad person

callout posts in 2019: this user plays E-Rated Video Games, which are meant for children, which seems pretty sus to me idk :/

callout posts in 2020: this user stole 5 gallons of purified water from the New DC Resistance Camp and was last seen headed towards Sunken Brooklyn

The punchline is: this pasta was written during 2017.

Re: Copy Pasta thread
« Reply #212 on: September 01, 2020, 07:22:45 PM »
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like; speaking English is what kills you.


Re: Copy Pasta thread
« Reply #213 on: September 04, 2020, 01:08:01 AM »

It's decades from now, society has progressed where euthanasia is an accepted practice, a humane way to pass on your own terms. Old and decrepit, the best parts of your life are long past, the love ones that you held so dear all your life have moved on well before now. Some lucky like you on their own terms, and others unfortunately not. You enter the doctors office and are immediately ushered in, the nurses expecting you. You're asked what music you'd like to hear as you pass, you select a classic that some may see as masochistic, but encompasses a feeling you've felt for so long. As the mask is put on and the needles put in your arm, you look around at your surroundings: no loved ones surrounding you, sterile white walls, the only decoration a disclaimer in such fine print that you couldn't read it anyways; a bleak end by anyone's measure. But you don't mind. You press play on a device the nurses gave you and are welcomed by that unforgettable acappella opening. As you start listening you hear the hiss of a gas valve being opened. You take a deep breath, and before you know it, your eyes are getting heavy, your breathing starts to slow and get heavy. As you look again at your surroundings, you see that not a single nurse is looking at you and going about their business, but you don't mind. Before you realize it the music is getting slower and slower, and sounding deeper than you remember.  You start thinking back on your life, and to your loved ones. You can't open your eyes anymore, but that's alright. You remember the great times with those that you loved and you feel a sense of fulfillment knowing that you're about to see them again.

"Mr. Sandman bring me a dream...."

The nurses take off the mask revealing a smile of a person entering what's next. They call the doctor in and he announces a time of death and promptly leaves. Your body is bagged and left in the mortuary to be dealt with after hours. The nurses welcome in their next patient.

Re: Copy Pasta thread
« Reply #214 on: September 07, 2020, 05:52:00 PM »
A grilled cheese consists of only these following items. Cheese. Bread with spread (usually butter). This entire subreddit consist of "melts". Almost every "grilled cheese" sandwich i see on here has other items added to it. The fact that this subreddit is called "grilledcheese" is nothing short of utter blasphemy. Let me start out by saying I have nothing against melts, I just hate their association with sandwiches that are not grilled cheeses. Adding cheese to your tuna sandwich? It's called a Tuna melt. Totally different. Want to add bacon and some pretentious bread crumbs with spinach? I don't know what the hell you'd call that but it's not a grilled cheese. I would be more than willing to wager I've eaten more grilled cheeses in my 21 years than any of you had in your entire lives. I have one almost everyday and sometimes more than just one sandwich. Want to personalize your grilled cheese? Use a mix of different cheeses or use sourdough or french bread. But if you want to add some pulled pork and take a picture of it, make your own subreddit entitled "melts" because that is not a fucking grilled cheese. I'm not a religious man nor am I anything close to a culinary expert. But as a bland white mid-western male I am honestly the most passionate person when it comes to grilled cheese and mac & cheese. All of you foodies stay the hell away from our grilled cheeses and stop associating your sandwich melts with them. Yet again, it is utter blasphemy and it rocks me to the core of my pale being. Shit, I stopped lurking after 3 years and made this account for the sole purpose of posting this. I've seen post after post of peoples "grilled cheeses" all over reddit and it's been driving me insane. The moment i saw this subreddit this morning I finally snapped. Hell, I may even start my own subreddit just because I know this one exists now.

Re: Copy Pasta thread
« Reply #215 on: September 08, 2020, 01:32:54 PM »
no don't

Re: Copy Pasta thread
« Reply #216 on: September 12, 2020, 11:48:47 PM »
Hello Facebook put back my profile page and videos up or your computers with start crashing till you do. You are not bigger that God. I promise you. If my page is not back up face book will be down in Jesus name.

Re: Copy Pasta thread
« Reply #217 on: September 20, 2020, 06:25:00 PM »
Not gonna be active on Discord tonight. I'm meeting a girl (a real one) in half an hour (wouldn't expect a lot of you to understand anyway) so please don't DM me asking me where I am (im with the girl, ok) you'll most likely get aired because ill be with the girl (again I don't expect you to understand) shes actually really interested in me and its not a situation i can pass up for some meaningless Discord degenerates (because ill be meeting a girl, not that you really are going to understand) this is my life now. Meeting women and not wasting my precious time online, I have to move on from such simple things and branch out (you wouldnt understand)

Re: Copy Pasta thread
« Reply #218 on: November 06, 2020, 11:14:55 AM »
On election night, I went beyond the black rainbow. I got fucked up on Dollar Tree cough medicine & hallucinated that I was Sam Hyde. Believe me when I tell you this: it was hell on earth. One second I was watching the God-Emperor (pbuh) win Florida; the next second, I was Sam in my shit-&-cum stained Trex costume gibbering hateful nonsense to myself and pleading with ancient demons to render the election unto Trump (pbuh).

At the same time, I was surrounded by giant Sam Hyde & Frank Hassle heads making retarded faces & sneering at me & taunting me with unfunny quips from MDE Presents: World Peace. I woke up in a puddle of my own diorrhea & santorum sauce, with Bad Dragon dildoes shoved in both my mouth & my anus. The TV newsman addressed me by name & told me that God-Emperor Trump (pbuh) had lost everything & took his own life in his White House bunker.

The whole experience gave me some perspective on what it must feel like to be Sam: a sad, scary, angry, unfunny clown, scam artist, sexual predator, & possible mass murderer trapped in a hall of mirrors.

Moral of the story: Don't mix hard drugs with Million Dollar Extreme. You won't only lose your mind, you'll also lose your soul.

Re: Copy Pasta thread
« Reply #219 on: November 06, 2020, 12:12:28 PM »


Re: Copy Pasta thread
« Reply #220 on: November 14, 2020, 11:56:15 AM »
Today when I walked into my economics class I saw something I dread every time I close my eyes. Someone had brought their new gaming laptop to class. The Forklift he used to bring it was still running idle at the back. I started sweating as I sat down and gazed over at the 700lb beast that was his laptop. He had already reinforced his desk with steel support beams and was in the process of finding an outlet for a power cable thicker than Amy Schumer's thigh. I start shaking. I keep telling myself I'm going to be alright and that there's nothing to worry about. He somehow finds a fucking outlet. Tears are running down my cheeks as I send my last texts to my family saying I love them. The teacher starts the lecture, and the student turns his laptop on. The colored lights on his RGB Backlit keyboard flare to life like a nuclear flash, and a deep humming fills my ears and shakes my very soul. The entire city power grid goes dark. The classroom begins to shake as the massive fans begin to spin. In mere seconds my world has gone from vibrant life, to a dark, earth shattering void where my body is getting torn apart by the 150mph gale force winds and the 500 decibel groan of the cooling fans. As my body finally surrenders, I weep, as my school and my city go under. I fucking hate gaming laptops.

Re: Copy Pasta thread
« Reply #221 on: November 14, 2020, 11:58:07 AM »

falcon northwest DX laptop for context. this puppy weighs 10 pounds.

Re: Copy Pasta thread
« Reply #222 on: November 19, 2020, 06:29:07 PM »
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Re: Copy Pasta thread
« Reply #223 on: November 20, 2020, 08:12:03 PM »
Child Tantrum
23 subscribers

tiny url com/ChildTantrum - Child Tantrum Out Over Game - Unbelievable Child Tantrum

Many children do tantrum for lack of control and parental communication, causing embarrassment and discomfort of the whole family.

Parents do not understand the real reason for the child tantrum.

Parents should establish an emotional bridge with your children to avoid the child's temper tantrums

Re: Copy Pasta thread
« Reply #224 on: November 21, 2020, 10:01:25 AM »
"The Simpsons" has been on television for so long that they went from a fairly
standard single-income middle-class family with a house and three kids
to an impossible fantasy world where a thirty-four-year-old high-school
grad with no inheritance can have any of these things and still be called
"lazy."  Homer has a secure union job, doing technical work he was clearly
trained to do by his employer.  They had a kid in their mid-twenties
and it did not destroy their life prospects. The show did not change
the family's material circumstances, and it became totally detached
from reality.  A show that was originally about a dysfunctional mess of
a family, barely clinging to middle-class life in the aftermath of the
Reagan administration, is now aspirational.  Frankly, this is the most
on-the-nose manifestation of capitalist American decline.