Yea ... it's such a trip how that be. Especially once you figure it out and you have that, "Oh!" Kinda moment.
It's like drowing and then realizing that if you stand up, the water is only 1ft deep.
How many people here with trauma struggle or have struggled with addictive or compulsive behavior? Maybe I should create a separate thread for that. I had problems with alcohol and drugs in the past. These days, my struggles are around internet, video games, and sugar, I gave up video games for the summer and have been off Facebook for a couple weeks. But Reddit and the news have been hard to give up. I think I've gained 20 lbs from last summer, but part of that is due to switching meds. I'm going back to the old ones.
Anecdotally, I know that almost all addicts have trauma. A superficial review of the scientific literature confirms that there is a link. One hypothesis for this link is that trauma induces an unhealthy need for control, a need that is answered by a substance or behavior that lets the individual control how they feel. I've been developing the idea that addiction is some kind of disorder related to "sickness syndrome" (I don't know why the article calls it "sickness behavior," perhaps there has been a change in nomenclature since I last looked into it). This parallels the depression hypothesis, in that pro-inflammatory cytokines could be changing the behavior of the individual when it isn't sick. These cytokines could be promulgated because of a pathogen or because of the intake of foreign substances. It should be noted that trauma reduces the immune response, thus increasing the possibility of infection. I must caution that my "pathogenic/inflammation" hypothesis is only anecdotal at this time. Though the relationship between physical and mental trauma and the immune system is being examined.
My family have all struggled with addiction pretty hard. Both my Mom and Dad did everything from Heroin to Meth & my father OD when I was 19. Surprisingly (or unsurprisingly), I've never tried most drugs(poppers, weed, & the very rare occasion of drinking). While I don't struggle with drug addiction, I do have an addictive personality towards Sex. Particularly self harming with sex, or rather... letting other harm me. I do have compulsions, but that's quite literally part of my OCD diagnosis. Not sure if you are referring to ocd when you say compulsions, but ocd is a whole diffrent thing from cumpulsive behavior in itself. (And by far one of the most underestimated/unassuming/misunderstood of the neurospicy sauce packets)
Ocd is very much thought to be a, "Oh I'm so ocd, I like everything to be super neat or very much this way," and it's more a, "I can't stop thinking about this one thing over and over & I'm worried I'm going to do it." Or "things pop in my head that I don't want to happen over and over and I can't control it," or "I'll just feel better if this one specific thing happens until I need it again next time".
Anyway... I feel exactly where you are at with the truama piece and I think that compulsions and addictive behaviors of all kinds feed into truama. I know for sure that ocd plays a role in truama and often latches onto things, especially as truama happens. Ocd or not, compulsive behaviors and addictions are a wicked beast that is so so misunderstood. The truama that come because of it and before it is something so uniquely identifiable to eachothers case by case experience, that we can only empathize and try to understand what eaxh other is going through. I watched my mom go through pill addictions and my dad go through meth addiction & still yet I find myself puzzled with my own addiction.
I guess all I'm trying to say, is, we all got shit we be going through. All I can ask is that you listen to my shit, I listen to yours, and we can find some peace in eachothers empathy as we heal. 🫂