Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: here cums the fuck truck on May 23, 2020, 03:17:11 pm
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Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: rachel on May 23, 2020, 03:19:05 pm
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lmao
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: here cums the fuck truck on May 23, 2020, 03:19:14 pm
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Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: rachel on May 24, 2020, 01:09:17 am
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omg absolutely overhwlmed with memes
a meme avalanche
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: here cums the fuck truck on May 24, 2020, 08:00:01 pm
(https://i.imgur.com/nZ6G7t1.jpg)
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: here cums the fuck truck on June 06, 2020, 11:34:57 am
discord locked down its shit so now i can't just hotlink memes off servers i have to upload them elsewehre
this is really annoying bc i was using my private server as a meme repository. they're still there but now my old posts stopped working.
i am sorry.
wait are you sure they don't work??? I am still able to see all the pics you posted in this thread
oh, that's good! I can't see them. Maybe a script blocker got em somehow, I have everything green but.. stuff breaks sometimes.
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: here cums the fuck truck on June 27, 2020, 05:54:49 pm
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Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: here cums the fuck truck on July 01, 2020, 05:01:10 am
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Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: here cums the fuck truck on July 01, 2020, 05:03:32 am
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Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: here cums the fuck truck on July 05, 2020, 06:28:56 am
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Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on July 05, 2020, 04:54:08 pm
I invented a new word: "Plagiarism."
Title: mom joke
Post by: here cums the fuck truck on July 06, 2020, 02:12:32 pm
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Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: here cums the fuck truck on July 06, 2020, 08:11:26 pm
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Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: here cums the fuck truck on July 25, 2020, 11:04:19 pm
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Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: rachel on July 26, 2020, 02:05:33 pm
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dang simba your dad's a joke...
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on July 27, 2020, 06:36:09 am
Didja hear about the thieves that made off with an entire shipment of Viagra? The police are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on August 14, 2020, 08:04:50 am
(https://i.imgur.com/Oty6JYZ.png)
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: here cums the fuck truck on August 23, 2020, 08:18:42 pm
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Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: here cums the fuck truck on August 24, 2020, 02:40:52 pm
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Title: this is my favorite dessert
Post by: here cums the fuck truck on August 26, 2020, 04:39:27 pm
SORRY DISCORD IS NOT SUPPORTED DUE TO LINK ROT/attachments/701540805214732298/748306491605385246/unknown.png[/img] its pie
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: rachel on August 28, 2020, 02:44:21 pm
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on January 28, 2021, 08:48:07 pm
* So it turns out that Einstein was a real person. I always thought he was a "theoretical" physicist.
* Did I already tell you my chiropractor joke? I don't remember. It would have been about a week back...
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: quicksand on February 02, 2021, 07:59:12 am
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Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: here cums the fuck truck on February 02, 2021, 10:30:23 am
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Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: here cums the fuck truck on February 20, 2021, 01:07:32 pm
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Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on February 20, 2021, 06:27:35 pm
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EueawrvUUAUju52.jpg)
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: here cums the fuck truck on February 21, 2021, 04:09:30 pm
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Title: came in like a shrekking ball
Post by: here cums the fuck truck on February 23, 2021, 05:09:00 pm
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Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on February 28, 2021, 02:17:07 pm
My mom hired a handyman and gave him a list. When she got back home, only #1,3 & 5 were completed. Turned out he only does odd jobs. His assistant is his teenaged daughter. She can't even...
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on March 04, 2021, 03:42:31 pm
I got fired from my job at the calendar factory. I took a day off. My buddy tried to comfort me, says my days were numbered there anyways.
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: here cums the fuck truck on March 10, 2021, 06:42:17 pm
i need a person without autism for this new job, it needs an untrainedeye
..autism = trains
thanks for explaining it at the end
really ties it all together
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: here cums the fuck truck on September 18, 2021, 12:15:05 pm
On most mornings i wake up and have a nice big fart. But when the weekend starts, I shit my pants, because its shaturday
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: here cums the fuck truck on September 18, 2021, 12:27:52 pm
you guys remember the heavens gate cult? tragic, they all killed themselves when hailies coment flew by.. but i heard there's a new one, started by the goatse guy its called Heavens Gape
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: here cums the fuck truck on September 22, 2021, 09:26:23 pm
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Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: here cums the fuck truck on September 24, 2021, 04:40:22 pm
put a couple witches into my microwave, upgraded it to a microwave coven
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on November 15, 2021, 10:49:30 am
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: here cums the fuck truck on January 05, 2022, 06:03:31 pm
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Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on January 05, 2022, 06:28:05 pm
This "spot-the-difference" puzzle isn't very good.
theres no dad
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: here cums the fuck truck on January 06, 2022, 05:59:33 pm
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Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: here cums the fuck truck on January 08, 2022, 02:54:10 pm
https://SORRY DISCORD IS NOT SUPPORTED DUE TO LINK ROT/attachments/142506845263757312/929480820685697104/IMG_3296.mp4
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Anomaly on January 11, 2022, 02:00:00 pm
a classic
(https://i.redd.it/g3v9el3bdwj71.jpg)
Title: jarvista
Post by: here cums the fuck truck on January 12, 2022, 08:09:23 pm
SORRY DISCORD IS NOT SUPPORTED DUE TO LINK ROT/attachments/664305979050950657/931036103828467712/16420466916868867801734983274447.jpg[/img] jarvista
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: here cums the fuck truck on January 16, 2022, 07:19:41 pm
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Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: here cums the fuck truck on January 19, 2022, 06:13:41 pm
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Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: here cums the fuck truck on January 30, 2022, 09:07:56 am
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Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on March 08, 2022, 02:36:21 pm
(https://mltshp-cdn.com/r/1N3DZ)
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on March 24, 2022, 11:40:36 am
> Did you know the Mortal Kombat soundtrack was based on Nordic gospel? If you listen, you can hear the Finnish hymn...
> No one wants to listen to my old Whitesnake album with me ... oh well, Here I go again on my own...
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on March 26, 2022, 08:44:04 am
I came across a rather unusual sight the other day. Three wealthy landowners were meeting on elaborately decorated animal skins, two seemed to be on tanned cattle skins and the third was on a hippopotamus. The estates of the first two were considerable, but the third one was the size of the first two combined.
Yes, the squire on the hippopotamus was equal to the sum of the squires on the two other hides.
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: rachel on April 02, 2022, 09:49:09 am
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Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on April 06, 2022, 01:15:22 pm
A man goes to his doctor and says "Doc every time I fart it sounds like the word Honda." the doctor looked him over and sent him to a specialist who also was clueless. So a couple months later the man is at his dentist and he asks if the dentist knows any good doctors and about his odd flatulence.
The Dentist chuckled and said, "Well thank you for telling me, I'll make sure and find your abscessed tooth and remove it." The guy replies "OH how do you know I have an abscess?" The dentist replies "Everyone knows that abscess makes the fart go Honda!"
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: rachel on April 17, 2022, 11:59:07 am
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on April 30, 2022, 06:33:38 pm
You search and search for that nostalgic early 90s reference and then finally: whoomp there it is.
The coroner confirmed that the man who fell from the 15th floor of the nightclub was not a bouncer.
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: rachel on June 13, 2022, 01:45:21 am
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on September 29, 2022, 08:00:38 pm
I had never been to a brothel before, so the first thing I did was talk to several prostitutes to compare prices. One was much cheaper than the rest, and I asked her why. "I'm giving a discount right now because I'm basically relearning to have sex. I was assigned male at birth and just completed reassignment surgery. I'm looking for feedback on my performance." I decided to give her a chance. I paid her, and we had amazing sex. She asked me to fill out a questionnaire before I left. I picked one up from the table and read the first question: "Were you satisfied with the trans action?"
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: rachel on September 30, 2022, 11:24:24 am
I had never been to a brothel before, so the first thing I did was talk to several prostitutes to compare prices. One was much cheaper than the rest, and I asked her why. "I'm giving a discount right now because I'm basically relearning to have sex. I was assigned male at birth and just completed reassignment surgery. I'm looking for feedback on my performance." I decided to give her a chance. I paid her, and we had amazing sex. She asked me to fill out a questionnaire before I left. I picked one up from the table and read the first question: "Were you satisfied with the trans action?"
this punchline is a real groaner
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on November 20, 2022, 07:29:56 pm
(https://mltshp-cdn.com/r/1O8GL.jpg)
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on November 29, 2022, 05:22:38 am
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on December 11, 2022, 04:45:15 am
A doctor and a deaf man loved the same girl. Every day the doctor would give the woman a rose, and everyday the deaf man would give the woman an apple. The woman got confused and one day asked the deaf man “Of course I understand why the doctor gives me a rose, but why do you give me an apple?”
The deaf man replied “What?”
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on December 23, 2022, 08:07:11 am
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on January 01, 2023, 06:27:14 am
on New Year's Eve, we sing... (https://mltshp-cdn.com/r/1OF81)
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: here cums the fuck truck on January 01, 2023, 10:27:51 am
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Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: here cums the fuck truck on January 09, 2023, 07:52:47 am
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Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on January 21, 2023, 11:26:21 am
So last night I went out for a burger. There was a woman doing maintenance toward the back of the restaurant. As I made my way past her to the restroom, she asked me if I wanted to go out back and smoke some weed with her… I said "no thanks, I'm not into high maintenance women."
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on February 10, 2023, 05:55:40 am
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first mathematician orders a beer
The second orders half a beer.
The third orders a quarter of a beer....
"I don't serve quarter pints" the bartender replies
"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #3
"A half pint is fine. No quarters" The bartender remarks.
"Oh c'mon" says mathematician #1 "do you know how hard it is to collect an infinite number of us? Just play along"
"I've got to clean all these glasses, remember"
"But that's not a problem" mathematician #2 chimes in "at the end of the joke you serve us a whole number of beers. You see, when you take the sum of a continuously halving function-"
"I know how limits work" interjects the bartender
"Oh, alright then. I didn't want to assume a bartender would be familiar with such advanced mathematics"
"Are you kidding me?" The bartender replies, "they are tricky sure, but hardly advanced! What kind of mathematician thinks limits are advanced mathematics?"
"HE'S ON TO US" mathematician #1 screeches
Simultaneously, every mathematician opens their mouth and out pours a cloud of multicolored mosquitoes. Each mathematician is bellowing insects of a different shade.
The mosquitoes form into a singular, polychromatic swarm. "FOOLS" it booms in unison, "I WILL INFECT EVERY BEING ON THIS PATHETIC PLANET WITH MALARIA"
The bartender stands fearless against the technicolor hoard. "But wait" he inturrupts, thinking fast, "if you do that, politicians will use the catastrophe as an excuse to implement free healthcare. Think of how much that will hurt the taxpayers!"
The mosquitoes fall silent for a brief moment. "My God, you're right. We didn't think about the economy! Very well, we will not attack this dimension. FOR THE TAXPAYERS!" and with that, they vanish.
A nearby barfly stumbles over to the bartender. "How did you know that that would work?"
"It's simple really" the bartender says. "I saw that the vectors formed a gradient, and therefore must be conservative."
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on February 22, 2023, 03:52:35 pm
I told my son I now identify as invisible -- although I was born visible, I am now a trans-parent. My pronouns are who/where.
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on March 17, 2023, 01:45:07 pm
I asked for the cube root, not a ___ ____ (https://wiki.wetfish.net/upload/5b944756-808c-2c65-c6ff-022d7bb82a98.jpeg)
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: rachel on April 25, 2023, 09:53:57 pm
the face of the guy on the left is rene descartes who most famously said "i think therefore i am" and this has been crudely edited to him saying I THINK and other people saying NICE! GOOD JOB! and the last one says WE'RE which would just mean WE ARE (as in we are all thinking therefore we all exist)
its excessively dumb
the #CokeEsports tag is a nice little hilarious bon mot too
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on June 26, 2023, 07:00:27 pm
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: here cums the fuck truck on July 30, 2023, 05:25:19 am
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Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: here cums the fuck truck on July 30, 2023, 05:53:35 am
(https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/279153810528665600/1134713672292388894/F2JyTFRWAAM-A3L.png) SORRY DISCORD IS NOT SUPPORTED DUE TO LINK ROT/attachments/556578302907645972/1134996268234584075/eb645d7d3c324fedaa31c3b69780ff48_356772976_952054492764154_2505446926735652370_n.mp4[/img]
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on August 14, 2023, 10:15:04 am
Getting mythology wrong is my Hercules ankle.
I have a suntanning addiction, so only go on holiday in winter. I went cold Turkey last year.
Last year, I had a great joke about inflation, but it’s hardly worth it now.
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on August 14, 2023, 02:54:15 pm
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: here cums the fuck truck on August 25, 2023, 06:26:35 pm
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Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on September 04, 2023, 10:31:10 am
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on November 01, 2023, 06:45:23 am
Doctor: I can knock out the patient using gas, or using a boat paddle; it’s an ether / oar situation.
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on November 27, 2023, 10:11:14 pm
(https://mltshp-cdn.com/r/1PL3R.jpg)
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on December 13, 2023, 07:09:02 am
(https://mltshp-cdn.com/r/1PMO0.jpg)
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on December 15, 2023, 02:27:18 pm
ME, TRYING TO CREATE A PASSWORD: <beefstew> COMPUTER: password not stroganoff ME, TYPING IN A NEW PASSWORD: <chicken> COMPUTER: password must contain capital ME: <chickenkiev> ME, TRYING YET ANOTHER PASSWORD: <thirdlargestfrenchcityonthemediterraneancoast> COMPUTER: password is toulon ME, GIVING UP: <incorrecttryagain> COMPUTER: password is incorrect; try again
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: rachel on February 15, 2024, 02:32:49 pm
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on May 25, 2024, 10:06:51 am
1. The prefix “a-” means “none”, such as in “asexual”, “apolitical', “atheism” 2. The word "unicorn" is made from two parts: "uni-" meaning one, and "cornus" meaning "horn" Conclusion: This is a picture of an acorn. (https://icons.iconarchive.com/icons/google/noto-emoji-animals-nature/256/22227-horse-icon.png)
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: ThePedalMan998 on May 31, 2024, 05:54:40 pm
Did you know that you can get slushies at a courthouse?
It's because they are just-ice.
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: ThePedalMan998 on June 07, 2024, 09:02:38 pm
Normal People: Star Wars, the Empire Strikes Back, was released in 1980.
Star Wars Fans: Star Wars, the Empire Strikes Back, was released in 19AT-AT.
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on June 16, 2024, 12:11:31 pm
Just wondering chaps, what do you think makes a good dad joke?
It has to be an obvious joke that doesn't require explanation, but it can't be funny, it's supposed to make you groan. Typically they are puns or wordplay
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: ThePedalMan998 on June 22, 2024, 08:51:07 am
Would you say this is a good dad joke?
How to turn a tesla into a limousine?
You elon-gate it.
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on June 29, 2024, 06:36:28 pm
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on July 10, 2024, 10:22:53 pm
Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding through the hills. Tonto suddenly stops
"Halt, Kimosabe!"
"What's up Tonto?"
Tonto gets off his horse, slowly kneels down and puts his ear to the ground and huffs. Then slowly gets up.
"Buffalo come."
"That's amazing how did you know that?"
"Wet. Sticky."
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on July 24, 2024, 04:03:58 pm
There once was a man trying to make a point about the kitchen. "The sink!" He said "the sink is the single most important thing in the kitchen! It washes, it provides drinking water! It helps you prepare all of your meals and cleans your dishes for you after! The sink is the most important!"
"However," said a stranger coming through the crowd "you are forgetting about the countertop. It holds everything in the kitchen together. You prepare your food and serve your food ON the countertop. Even your precious sink would have no where to be if it weren't for the countertop!"
The man was stunned. He wasn't prepared for a counter argument
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: ThePedalMan998 on July 24, 2024, 08:49:15 pm
Good one Mozai
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: ThePedalMan998 on August 07, 2024, 02:10:17 pm
Reading this article made me SAAB.
https://sverigesradio.se/artikel/6168916
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: ThePedalMan998 on August 07, 2024, 02:11:50 pm
You want to know what a cycling community advocate is called?
A spokes-person.
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: ThePedalMan998 on August 07, 2024, 02:49:10 pm
If humans were like engines, you know what we would run on?
Ground.
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: ThePedalMan998 on August 08, 2024, 09:02:57 pm
You want to know why a girl by the name of Erin decided to become an auto mechanic?
It is because she wanted to help put air-in car tires.
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: ThePedalMan998 on August 11, 2024, 08:32:09 pm
Have you ever heard of the Italian chef who kept getting into fender benders?
He once saw all the dents in his car and said "Oh no, now my car is al-dente".
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on August 27, 2024, 07:47:36 am
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on September 13, 2024, 09:04:34 am
A priest, a rabbi, and an atheist walk into a bar. The bartender points to a sign that says "NO JOKES SERVED HERE" and asks them to leave. They head out without a word.
The next day, a horse walks in. Same deal—bartender points to the sign, and with a long face, the horse leaves.
The following day, a chicken walks in. The bartender points to the sign again and says "Sorry, no jokes served here."
The chicken, annoyed, asks "Fine. So where can I get a drink?"
The bartender replies "Try the bar across the road."
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: rachel on September 17, 2024, 01:30:37 pm
Q: What do you call it when a theater kid goes rogue and decides to become a spy?
A: thespionage
(Highlight to reveal answer)
Title: Re: Dad jokes
Post by: Mozai on September 22, 2024, 09:22:47 am