Introduction
After working with children for many years, I have been able to directly and indirectly examine the beliefs, paradigms, and perceptions of children in American culture. When I was working on my bachelor?s degree, I remember my college professor brought up the fact that many teachers oppose Roald Dahl books such as Matilda or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory because they paint adults as evil and unwise and children as innocent and wise. At the time, I thought this concept was a little ridiculous, and it even irritated me. Was isn?t it true, after all? Over the years, I have examined this concept further and further, and I am starting to believe that there is a purposeful inversion of the adult vs. the child in our society. I want to examine this inversion, its possible causes, and its possible implications and consequences in this post. For the purpose of this post, I am using children to identify ages from 3ish to 16ish.
Treating Children as Little Adults
More and more, our society is treating children as if they are tiny adults, capable of adult decisions. This really, really bothers me, especially as a teacher.
More and more, parents fear disciplining children for a variety of reasons. Some want to be their children?s friends, some fear upsetting children, and some feel that children do not need the guidance of adults to learn lessons.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1251426/Modern-parents-avoid-discipline-fear-upsetting-children.htmlhttps://www.romper.com/p/studies-prove-millennial-parents-are-disciplining-their-kids-less-than-their-parents-43769Why is it that many parents are having more difficulty separating themselves from their children? For example, more are treating their children as their friends:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/educationnews/11077075/Parents-told-stop-treating-your-children-as-friends.htmlNot only does there appear to be a problem in parents creating boundaries with their children, but it also seems that children are being exposed to increasingly adult concepts at earlier ages, and moreover, they are being allowed to make increasingly adult decisions.
This can go in many directions, but I wanted to focus on a few key areas:
1) Parents are saying children can identify their gender as early as 3:
http://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-lgbt-parenting-idUSKBN14B1C8Would you let a child make an adult decision like that at 3, such as getting a tattoo?
2) More and more children are being dressed as tiny adults.
http://www.clutchmagonline.com/2012/08/remember-when-kids-dressed-like-kids-not-miniature-adults/What happened to the more innocent designs of previous generations?
3) More and more reality shows are based on children in extremely adult roles:
http://www.complex.com/pop-culture/2011/08/the-10-most-uncomfortable-reality-shows-about-kids/i-know-my-kids-a-star4) Technology is allowing children to have more access than ever to adult themes and concepts.
https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2014/08/i-didnt-expect-to-find-pornography-in-my-9-year-olds-web-history/375896/5) Kids are actually facing addiction to technology.
http://metro.co.uk/2017/01/05/tech-addiction-is-digital-heroin-for-kids-turning-children-into-screen-junkies-6363567/Why is this acceptable? When were kids ?addicted? to items in the past? This is disturbing.
6) Kids are growing up faster/hitting puberty faster.
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2012/oct/25/early-puberty-growing-up-fasterThis topic could go in a lot of directions, and I would love to hear your thoughts.
There is something odd about all of these links, and again, while this post can go in many directions, I want to ask, why are we treating children as if they are tiny adults? Or is it better to say that the boundary between children and adult is becoming murkier?
One may argue that perceptions of children have changed over time, and that is absolutely true. To keep this post to the point, however, I want to focus on more modern views of children and a ?shift? that has occurred in the past century or so. Kimberly Reynolds writes,
?Some, however, did not see childhood as a state to be hurried through in order to achieve adulthood. The 19th century saw the development of what is sometimes called the Cult of Childhood, with adults exultantly celebrating childhood in texts and images. The connections with the Romantic ideal of childhood are clear, but many writers of the ?Golden Age? of children?s literature (beginning in the 1860s with Charles Kingsley?s The Water-Babies, 1863, and Lewis Carroll?s Alice?s Adventures in Wonderland, 1865) went further, even expressing a longing themselves to be children once more.?
https://www.bl.uk/romantics-and-victorians/articles/perceptions-of-childhoodIn fact, the term ?teenager? is fairly modern:
?In the 19th century, the American world consisted of children and adults. Most Americans tried their best to allow their children to enjoy their youth while they were slowly prepared for the trials and tribulations of adulthood. Although child labor practices still existed, more and more states were passing restrictions against such exploitation. The average number of years spent in school for young Americans was also on the rise. Parents were waiting longer to goad their youngsters into marriage rather than pairing them off at the tender age of sixteen or seventeen. In short, it soon became apparent that a new stage of life ? the TEENAGE phase ? was becoming a reality in America. American adolescents were displaying traits unknown among children and adults. Although the word teenager did not come into use until decades later, the teenage mindset dawned in the 1920s.?
http://www.ushistory.org/us/46c.aspStill, even with this ?invention? of teenage years, one can still argue that children are losing their childhoods, and being forced to grow up faster and faster, acting more like tweens, teenagers, and adults.
Vanity and Youth
Meanwhile, adults seem to be acting more like children. Could it be that this strange ?Cult of Childhood? is more about living through our children, or could it, perhaps, be even deeper? Is this newer ?obsession? with children directly correlated with our fear of death and our obsession with immortality?
It is probably impossible to deny that our society places huge value on looking young, feeling young, and bringing out our inner child. If we ?live through our children? and treat them as mini-adults, are we extending our youth?
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/matter-personality/201109/living-vicariously-through-children-twistHow many parents do you know who seem to be obsessed with updating every aspect of their children?s lives on social media, as if they do not have lives of their own? Still, even for those who do not have children, many want to live as though they are forever young.
Through social media, are we able to maintain this ?youthful? sort of presence, by not only living through children, but presenting our live as exciting, adventurous, and energetic? We can select the perfect photos, the perfect words, and the perfect attitudes we present to the world. We can eternalize ourselves and forever maintain "youth" online, or if at least not youth, than perhaps immortality?
In our society, aging is generally villifed, and Americans have a preoccupation with staying young:
This article points out,
?Throughout the advance in technology the quest to remain young has accelerated at warp speed. Why, when previously gray hair and wrinkles coincided with patience, self-awareness and wisdom? As Hannibal Lecter told Clarice in 'Silence of the Lambs', "We begin by coveting what we see every day."
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/reading-between-the-headlines/201310/forever-young-americas-obsession-never-growing-oldSo there appears to be two things going on here. People?s treatment of children is more and more adult-like, and at the same time, adults seem obsessed with preservation of youth. Does there seem to be some type of inversion or flip of our childhood/adulthood schemas?
Wisdom Wasted on the Wise
On a philosophical level, are we ?losing? the lessons of the wise in the quest for youth and immortality?
If you are not familiar, Tuck Everlasting is a pretty famous novel about a family that chooses to live forever. It is a great book that I love to read with my 6th graders, and the ultimate theme seems to be that the cycle of life is important ? there is a time and necessity for all parts of life.
To quote the bible:
A Time for Everything 3 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: 2 a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, 3 a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, 4 a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, 5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, 6 a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, 7 a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, 8 a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ecclesiastes+3Have we arrived at a point in our society where we fear to examine the moral necessity of death or aging? Are we losing the ability to think about ourselves beyond our physical selves? As our society continually moves toward technological innovation and evolution, are we losing a sense of any level of existential or spiritual thought, understanding, or philosophy?
Unfortunately, it is probably not a surprising that the elderly, especially in America, are not valued as they once were. According to this article, ?Our fixation on youth culture has left the elderly out in the cold.?
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/health/elder/8685589/Our-fixation-on-youth-culture-has-left-the-elderly-out-in-the-cold.htmlIn our quest to for eternal youth, will we forget the lessons and values that come with age and death? Or are we already forgetting?
Sexualizing Children
This is not really new; however, I am more surprised that this part of our society is just swept under the rug. On top of some of the links I have already posted, there is a disturbing trend in the sexualization of children.
1) Teachers say sexualization of children increasing:
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2016/sep/12/sexualised-behaviour-in-very-young-children-increasing-say-teachers2) Children are being sexualized in pop culture:
http://www.cnn.com/2011/09/12/opinion/henson-toddlers-tiaras/3) There are countless articles on the increasing sexualization of our youth:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-jim-taylor/the-disturbing-sexualization_b_1948451.htmlDisturbingly, at the same time, there seems to be more and more in regards to acceptance of pedophilia. I am not saying that pedophilia is widely accepted yet, but there seems to be a disturbing trend in the ?pedophilia is just like any other sexual identity? movement.
Could it be that this movement of treating children as tiny adults could eventually lead to the idea that children can consent to pedophilia? You may think this sounds crazy, but the other day I was downvoted like crazy on Reddit when I said children cannot consent to sex ? ever. Are ?they? trying to push our views of children, consent, and sexuality to a greyer area here? The murkier the boundaries become between adult and child, the murkier sexual boundaries will likely become.
After all, many believe pedophilia is a sexual identity, not a disorder:
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/paedophilia-sexual-orientation-straight-gay-criminal-psychologist-child-sex-abuse-a6965956.htmlMoreover, there are countless examples of the endorsement of pedophilia in pop culture ? where the concept of pedophilia is spun in a more positive light. I could probably give thousands of examples of this, but I think a more compelling argument would be to look at YouTube and what it endorses. There are some disturbing channels on YouTube that seem to be ?geared? for children?
https://www.romper.com/p/disturbing-content-is-masquerading-as-kids-shows-on-youtube-47212The conspiracy here seems to be invert our views about children, making them seem older, wiser, and capable of adult decisions - that way, eventually, it will be said that all types of love are good, and children are just as capable of consent as they are of anybody of any age. Ever heard of "Heart Progress"?
Conclusion
This is a complex post that can go in many directions. Ultimately, I am trying to get readers to see that there seems to be a disturbing shift in the way we treat children today vs. maybe 20 or 30 years ago.
Working with children, I feel that many have lost their youth. They dress more and more sexually provocative at younger ages, and their social media presence often occupies most of their free time. Why does a 11 year old feel the need to post a selfie on Instagram to get hundreds of likes?
A few weeks ago, I made a post about the world feeling "upside down", and really, this is just an expansion of this post. Every day, I feel like we are forced to believe that this is all just progress, but are we just more desensitized?
As always, it takes me a long time to write these posts, and it is ultimately about discussion. I really would love to hear your thoughts. Please do not downvote me because you disagree. Rather, tell me your thoughts and opinions!